Have you ever wondered about or been afraid of losing your “identity”? I’ve been thinking about what eternal life – that is life after I die to this life here on earth a lot lately. I’ve been wondering whether I will retain my “deborahness”, or whether I will be absorbed into a oneness with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit and will cease to be truly an individual.
In some religious traditions, it is thought that the ultimate ending of all of us is to be absorbed into the essence of all things – I think that is called Nirvana….? Others believe that there is no life after we die – that we simply cease to exist forever and our bodies return into the ecosystem. Others believe that we come back to life again and again – in a form that is a consequence of the way we lived our lives. Of course, there are others who have beliefs different even than these limited examples.
I have been feeling afraid that if I lose myself in Jesus – worshipping Him alone and putting Him first (instead of me!) – my person and identity as an individual will become nothingness and I will disappear into the vastness of God.
In His Word, God shows over and over how He treasures individual people. The Bible is some ways is what would be called a “scroll of remembrance”. Frequently, God mentions individual people – who they were and what they did – almost like He does not want us to ever forget them. In the Old Testament, there are lists and lists of His people – just their names – as if He is saying that each one of them is precious to Him. He talks about those who believe in and accept Jesus as their Savior as being “written in the Book of Life” – remembered for all time and living forever.
One of the truly challenging things about seeking to know Jesus – Who He says He is in His Word – and trying to trust Him and obey His commands, is to always worship and put Him first in my thoughts, words and actions. Unfortunately, more often than not, I put myself in first position – first position as far as getting what I want, doing what I want to do and in thinking that I know a lot more than I really do. I put “me” above loving Him and following Him and being obedient to His Word. You see, truthfully, I much prefer to “worship” me and put my thinking and desires before anything that could mean that I don’t get to do and think just as I want.
This past couple of months, I have been feeling like I’ve been in a hot oven….. nothing life-threatening, just a lot of really difficult circumstances that have been bringing me to tears and have caused me to feel so very oppressed. Another name for it would be “suffering” (although compared to what many, many face daily in our world, what I’ve been going through is really nothing!). I am beginning to look at times of suffering differently. My heart’s cry has been, “this is too much to bear!”, “please, please LORD fix this!!”, “please LORD Jesus, take this away!”. What has come out of this season has been some much-needed life lessons – ones that I would not have sought out on my own. Our LORD is so perfect – so full of love for us – He only gives us suffering that is intended to make us more like Him.
2 Corinthians 4:6-9 (NIVUK)
6 “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
This “jar of clay” has been being fired in the kiln of life recently. God’s purpose is to make His jars of clay into beautiful treasures. A porcelain artist glazes His work and then puts it into a kiln at precisely the correct temperature for precisely the right amount of time. The intense heat of the kiln changes the nature of the clay and perfects the glaze, so that when it is removed from the furnace, the clay pot has been transformed into a treasure – a beautiful work of art. With our treasures, we place them where we can admire them and marvel at their beauty. We handle them lovingly and protect them from being chipped or broken.
The LORD is so faithful. He will not give us more than we can bear! I’ve been thinking about the story in Daniel chapter 3 about a furnace:
16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, ‘King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.’
19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude towards them changed. He ordered the furnace to be heated seven times hotter than usual 20 and commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. 21 So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. 22 The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, 23 and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.
24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisors, ‘Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?’ They replied, ‘Certainly, your Majesty.’
25 He said, ‘Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.’
Jesus in talking to Peter in the New Testament, said that He would allow Peter (aka Simon) to be “sifted like wheat”.
Luke 22:31-32New International Version – UK (NIVUK)
31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
While the LORD allows us to be in the fiery furnace, He does not leave us there alone. HE IS WITH US in the flames. AND when He brings us out of the trials we find ourselves in, He has done a mighty work in transforming us from a common jar of clay, to a beautiful vase to be treasured, admired, loved and displayed for His glory and for the good of His kingdom. He has transformed us into a treasure – one of immense value to the King of all creation. He alone is to be praised for His work of transformation!!! Indeed, we are “sifted like wheat”, but God is in control of the one He allows to sift us – and He is in control of the outcome.
I am comforted by all that He is showing me about His love and heart for me in becoming the woman He intends for me to be. This time of “suffering” in the fire of life has not been easy. However, I am coming to see that through this, I am becoming His treasure – one to be loved by Him, protected by Him, used by Him and known by Him. Oh LORD, it is a privilege to be Your’s…. please help me stand firm in the sure knowledge that I am safe in Your loving hands. You do not desire to erase me and cause me to cease to exist by absorbing me into Yourself. You treasure me as Your creation – a clay pot becoming a beautiful porcelain vase. I am comforted to think that I exist as Your daughter, and that I will exist forever as Your beloved.