Praise God that because of Yeshua’s sacrifice on the cross, there is now NO condemnation for us who are belong to the Messiah, Yeshua of Nazareth! (Romans 8:1)
When I hurt or offend someone I love – my husband, Ben, for example – in order to restore right and loving relationship with him, I must come to him and ask for forgiveness for my offense. Asking for forgiveness is the beginning of restoring full relationship and full reconciliation.
How is my relationship with the LORD different? My sin (doing that which He has said is wrong) is an offense to Him. While I am no longer condemned, I must still acknowledge my failure in the light of what He says is sin versus right behavior. I’m not done, though. (Just as saying I’m sorry doesn’t really truly make things right between Ben and me when we offend or hurt each other). The next step is to turn away from whatever I have done to offend God and then to ask Him for forgiveness so that full loving relationship with Him is restored.
Praise God, that when I acknowledge my sin/offense against Him, and ask Him to forgive me, He is faithful to forgive me and to restore the fullness of my relationship with Him.
As many know, I have been battling ticks and Lyme disease since April, 2017. My first tick encounter happened then, and I developed Lyme 10 days later. Each Spring, I have been blessed with healing and relief from the suffering of Lyme…. But each Spring in the last week of April, I have been bitten again – and Lyme happened again and again.
Last Spring, I discovered a remedy against being bitten over and over again in pure sulfur taken orally as a preventative. Thankfully, the torment of being bitten by ticks and other critters daily abated after I began the sulfur.
This Spring I began sulfur in early March, and seemed to have “dodged the bullet” so to speak. No bites…. until mid-May, that is. I found a tick then and was unable to get the head out and headed to urgent care 10 days later (June 10, 2021) to get help. The “surgery” was successful, but my heart was in a very bad place….. with God.
The devil knows each of us really well – he’s made a long study of the human race, and those who are God’s, and he has figured out just what buttons to push to send us into the pit of (mental/emotional) hell. For me particularly, my vulnerabilities are in a pattern that was established when I was young (long before my husband, Ben, and I were together). The pattern goes like this: Seduced first, then used, betrayed and finally abandoned.
That Thursday, I cracked jokes with the doctor as he did what was necessary – better to crack a joke then to cry! After I left the clinic, my heart plummeted into the pit. I was believing that God was the agent Who had brought this suffering upon me (again!!). That He was the One Who had seduced me into believing that He would protect me from this suffering. That He had been using me for some terrible purpose. That He had betrayed me… and was abandoning me to navigate the (anticipated) terrible journey back into Lyme territory.
My heart and my mind were devastated… lost…. angry… the agony of my heartache at the thought of the God I worship being such an agent was almost unbearable. And the foulness of the tick and its invasion into my body filled me with disgust.
Most of the day, as I drove and worked, I was overcome with grief and tears…. I cried myself to sleep crying out to God to please please please send me help.
One of my dear friends sent me a teaching on Friday morning and I listened to it as I worked outside. Out of that teaching came an incredible insight into my own false beliefs about God – and insights into the enemy, the devil, and how he operates.
You see, I believed in my heart of heart (still! – despite His promise to me in Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you (Deborah), plans for your welfare, and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.”) that God was a hostile wrathful God – and that in His nature was His wrath poured out on sin and sinners… and on those whom He loves. I thought about Jesus and the long hours from Gethsemane to the tomb. How could a God Who said, “This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased”, do to Jesus (or allow it!!) all the dreadful suffering and torture He endured in His agony before the LORD in the garden, His mocking and shaming and torture at the hands of men?
What if I was misunderstanding this whole thing?
Jesus’s purpose was to bring salvation to sinful mankind. The only way legally (per God’s holy Law of the Old Testament) that sin could be made right before a holy God was for a perfect sacrifice to be made. In the Old Testament times, the sacrifices of animals were only of perfect, unblemished, innocent creatures. These sacrifices did not permanently fix the sin problem as people left the sacrifice and promptly went on to sin again.
Jesus kept perfectly the Old Testament Law, and He was innocent. As such, He could be the final, perfect, innocent creature sacrificed to atone for sin (make payment for, rid sin of its power to curse a person forever).
The devil knew that Jesus in His humanity could be attacked with the hope that He would sin in word, deed or thought against God during the agonies of suffering. This would render Jesus imperfect, and it would thwart God’s plan of redemption and freedom for His beloved peoples. Only if Jesus remained pure in every way could His sacrifice do what He and the Father intended it to do.
The realization that the enemy of Jesus (and of me!) was not, and is not God the Father, and the insight of who the enemy was that caused men to do the dreadful things they did to Jesus, was shocking to me. The depth of my misunderstanding, and the depth of my sin in attributing to God the things only to be attributed to satan was profound.
I understood that the Father loves me. That the enemy, satan, hates me murderously, and he will do anything to cause me to disbelieve and mistrust God. He is the perpetrator of all evil, and is the source of the lies I had believed as far as God being the One Who had seduced, used, betrayed and abandoned me. NO! The enemy is he who does all those things through the actions of people and circumstances.
Jesus, the Creator of all things became a man that He might, as a man, bear the cost of sin in Himself. He did this in order to free us, His children. (Hebrews 2:14b…. that through death He might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery [to the fear of dying].)
The amazing blessings that have come out of my journey with Lyme disease are many. This most recent episode opened my eyes to the reality of the true enemy, the devil, and how he works to use my vulnerable areas to hurt me and to cause me to mistrust God.
“For I know the plans (as He is all-knowing and He loves me) I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans for your welfare, and not for evil, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
Following the insight on Friday, June 11, God gave me such a peace, such a joy, such an awesome love for my Savior, Who bore incredible suffering at the hands of the enemy’s minions and yet stayed pure and holy right to the end so that He might give me the gift of life. His plans for me ARE for my welfare – and even in the midst of these challenges. He is with me. He alone is faithful. He loves me (He never seduces me to use me). He longs to bless me, and He never betrays those He loves. He has promised to never leave nor forsake me… AND He is faithful. He is the Promise-keeper.
Psalm 42:5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
_______________________________________________
Praise God, for He has done mighty and wonderful things!
But wait…. Why, you might ask am I praising the LORD? It’s a bit of a story….
Each of the last three Aprils, I have been bitten by a disease carrying tick. Each bite led to a time of bitter suffering – physically, emotionally and spiritually. Each time just as I began to feel healed, another bite happened. With the last bite on April 14 this year, I plummeted into a deep valley of doubt and anger at God.
I have been blessed with beautiful women friends who have given me lots of support and prayer. Three weeks ago, my best friend Nyla shared with me her lesson from the time of challenge around the covid quarantine. She told me that she has learned to live one day at a time – truly remarkable given her being a long term planner.
The LORD did something with her wisdom the following day (Tuesday, May 12). He took me to a place of living moment by moment having eyes to see the many, many blessings that are in every moment if we can only open our eyes to them. That gift has stood me in good stead over the past week’s events.
Thursday afternoon (May 14) Ben went out to load 4 – 40 pound bags of product into the back of his truck. He carried the first bag around 40 feet from our barn to his truck. Fortunately, his tailgate was down as he blacked out as he lifted the bag into the truck bed. He slumped over the tailgate (praise God he did not fall to the ground!). He came to himself after a few minutes, and went to sit in the cab of the truck for a while. When he felt a bit recovered, he decided to finish the job and went into the barn to load the other 3 bags. He got two of them into the wheelbarrow, but as he began to lift the last bag, he again passed out. He did not fall to the ground but leaned against the wall and eventually called me (I was inside the house).
When I came out, he looked really bad. His color was all wrong. His breathing was all wrong. We headed north to take him to the hospital. At this point, something really amazing began to happen.
Normally, I handle emergencies pretty well on the outside – but on the inside I can be pretty anxious. From the time I got to Ben all the way through the weekend, I was filled with an incredible peace. I felt like the LORD said, “it’s going to be o.k.”.
We arrived at the E.R., and I was told that I could not stay with Ben because of covid – in fact I was told pretty quickly that I could not wait for any time anywhere inside the building, but must either wait in my car or go somewhere else. I did errands for several hours before Ben called me to update me. He told me that they were going to keep him overnight. After Ben’s call, the E.R. doctor called me and told me that they’d found multiple large blood clots in both of his lungs, as well as one behind his right knee. In addition, his heart was showing signs of stress.
That evening I called out to friends and family for them to pray. Many, many responded and prayed for Ben and for me. Friday was very quiet. The odd thing was the quiet inside my head. Normally, I have a non-stop chatter going on in my brain. I was so, so peaceful – no chatter, just a sense of intense peace and deep spiritual quiet. Ben and I talked several times, and I spoke with Nyla and a few others, but mostly I rested. Friday evening it was decided that Ben was o.k. to be discharged mid-day on Saturday.
When I picked Ben up, he looked marvelous. His color was great. His breathing quiet and normal. Incredibly, he was more alert and mentally quick than he had been in months. He moved with more vitality that he had for a long time.
As part of the protocol, Ben was discharged with one tablet daily of coumadin, as well as a shot of anticoagulant medicine morning and evening. With coumadin, frequent blood testing is required to keep on top of blood levels of the drug – too much and the likelihood of excessive bleeding becomes high; too low, and clots begin to form.
Tuesday (3 days post discharge) we went in to meet with his doctor and to have his blood tested. The pharmacist said as she was taking his blood that she would like to see his “numbers” to be between 2-3. His number was 2.7. She asked him to immediately discontinue the shots, and at least for that evening only to take ½ of the prescribed dose of coumadin.
Ben has continued to feel great and to have good energy and focus. Today (Friday – 6 days post discharge) at his blood draw, his numbers came back at 3.2 and the pharmacist asked him to decrease his coumadin dose (a high number means that his blood is too thin). All in all, Ben’s recovery from this crisis has been nothing short of miraculous!
We are praising the LORD for His grace, His amazing goodness, and for His healing touch upon Ben’s body. We are praising God for faithful friends who actively prayed to Jesus for Him to intervene in both of our lives. Praising God that He is the God Who hears… and Who answers the cries of His children.
Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on [the] Rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song I my mouth; a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. (Amen! Amen! Let it be so!!!)
I began a doctoral program in psychology in August, 2011. The LORD had brought into my life a group of godly women to study the Bible in Spring, 2011; one of them (my dear friend, Cindy) was attending Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). She kept inviting me to go with her to BSF, but with the demands of my doctoral studies, I simply had no time. She was persistent, however!
After more than one year in the doctoral program, I found myself very stressed, and extraordinarily anxious. I have always been an “A” student (at any cost!), and found myself needing to study between 8 – 10 hours pretty much every day to maintain my “A” grades. My peers – much younger than me – typically needed only 2-3 hours daily to attain the same grade.
One Wednesday morning, the group of women came to my home to do our study together. As was normal for me, I had done my 6 miles on the treadmill earlier. I began complaining to them about my stress – that I could not even get a full breath while running because the stress had clenched up my diaphragm. One beautiful woman (Julie, whom I deeply love and respect) asked me if I had ever considered quitting school. I had not, and, at that moment, completely rejected that as an impossibility.
After they left, the conviction grew stronger and stronger…
I quit the doctoral program that afternoon.
I had wrestled with depression since I was 12 years old. At one point ten years before this time (around 2002), my battle with depression nearly brought me to taking my own life. I had a plan that I thought was reasonable, and ruminated on it day and night. I believe it was the LORD Who brought me to a psychiatrist who, while he was plenty “crazy” himself, was a wizard with psych medications. He prescribed a cocktail of 5 big-gun antidepressants, and I came out of my suicidal obsession.
At the time of my quitting my doctoral program (November, 2012), I had been on the psych drug cocktail for over 10 years – at an ongoing cost of more than $2500/month. The evening of my quitting, I felt the LORD tell me to “quit my drugs” (All of them! Cold-turkey!!). I did not give any thought at the time to discontinuation syndrome, or possible death…. I just obeyed Him and quit all of them at once that evening (I took all five at bedtime.). I woke up in the morning (Praise God!), and I woke up completely healed of depression. (And I felt amazing!) The black cloud that had been living over my head since the age of 12 was completely and totally gone! HALLELUJAH!!!!! And it has stayed gone. For 7 ½ years, I have remained completely free of depression. Praise God!!!
The following Wednesday, Cindy again asked me to go with her to BSF. I no longer had an excuse, so she and I attended the next day together.
Susan Rice, the teacher, told a story that first morning. Her story….
A missionary family, Dad, Mom and children, were sent to a remote area in Africa where there was no infrastructure… no running water, no indoor plumbing. One of the children, a small boy of around 4 had a “lovey” – a stuffed friend who had come all the way to Africa with him. The little son loved his Lovey, and Lovey went everywhere with him… everywhere. One day, the boy went in to use the outhouse, and of course, Lovey went in with him. The son came bursting out of the outhouse and ran crying loudly to his daddy. “Daddy, Daddy, Lovey fell down into the hole! Daddy, Daddy, please please help! Please Daddy get Lovey back for me.” Daddy looked into the outhouse and down into the mire at the bottom of the hole. Yes, Lovey was at the bottom partially submerged in the morass and mire. There was no way to rescue Lovey except for Daddy to go down into the mire himself. Daddy got on his oldest clothes, put a ladder into the foul mess and descended into it. He picked up Lovey and brought him out of the sewage. He washed Lovey clean, and gave Lovey back to his son who was overjoyed!
As I listened, the truth of just what Jesus has done for me sunk home in a new way. Tears of joy came – and the truth of my story landed in my heart freshly. I was Lovey – lost into the morass of the world. I was filthy in all that I had done – and all that had been done to me. I could not rescue myself, and I most certainly could not wash myself clean. Jesus, my Beloved Rescuer came down to pull me out of the morass and sin. He has washed me clean, and has gifted me back to His Father (and to Himself). He has restored me to be clean and fully embraced by Him, just as Lovey was made clean and was joyfully embraced by the little son.
Psalm 40: 16-17 But may all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; may those who love Your salvation always say, “The LORD be exalted!” Yet I am poor and needy; may the LORD think of me. You are my Help and my Deliverer; O my God, do not delay.
Psalm 120:1 ….I cried out to the LORD and He answered me!
Psalm 18: (6) In my distress, I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help…..(16) He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters… (19) He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.
Deuteronomy 6:10-12 “When the LORD your God brings you into the land…. a land with (a) house filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, vineyards and [orchards] you did not plant – then when you eat and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt [Seattle], out of the land of [your] slavery.
The LORD blessed me and Ben with a beautiful log home two years ago. It is situated on 8 acres, has an orchard (that we did not plant), a garden with a vineyard in it, and it has a well we did not dig…. God has done amazing things! From the start, my dream for this home and this land was that it would be a place of community and a place of provision for those around us. That it would be a place of ministry filled with reminders of His goodness and His provision for His beloved people.
We moved in on September 1, 2017. The gardens and orchards had been neglected, and most importantly, the orchard had not been watered during the summer of high heat and drought. The trees and plants were stressed, and there was a lot to do and learn during that first month (in addition to settling into our new home!). Thankfully, winter came as a reprieve of sorts from the overwhelming learning curve and work load.
One of the joys of that winter was being able to get a puppy. Champion came home with us on Thanksgiving weekend. Totally fun! Champ was destined to be a very big dog, and during the first year with big dogs it is unwise to run them, so we did a lot of walking. In April (2018), during one of our jaunts in the woods locally, I was bitten by a tick –I did not even know that there was that risk… and I certainly did not know that local ticks are carriers of Lyme disease and other miseries. Lyme really knocked me down physically (and yes, emotionally and spiritually,too!). The work load of the gardens, the orchard, the yard was simply overwhelming and I had no strength or energy to do much of it. Oh, but I tried!
I nearly died last winter. Both Ben and I questioned in February whether I would be around by the first of April. God miraculously healed me April 10, 2019. However, He allowed me to be bitten again by a Lyme carrying tick April 22, and in short order I was back into the symptoms of Lyme disease. I’d learned a lot during the previous year and began doxycycline on day 11 post bite and was on it for 3 weeks. I’m pretty sure the Lyme was killed, but the antibiotic ruined my digestion. Tough season. Recovery was sloooooow. My energy was really sapped, and again I was overwhelmed by all that needed to be done in the garden and yard. I cried out to the LORD for help.
The LORD sent Thomas and young Jack as helpers. Jack mowed for us weekly all summer. Thomas came for one day every other week and did a lot of “heavy lifting” for me – he took a lot of the harder work off of my shoulders. The LORD also pruned me hard in my perfectionism and wanting everything to be done to a high standard of excellence. In gardening, perfectionism is a real liability –nothing that is a growing thing cooperates with my ideas of what exactly it should do, and how it should respond to my efforts to make it grow the way I wanted it to.
The LORD began new friendships in people I’d met through seeking help for Lyme. People did come to pick berries and were provided for. A man from one of our communities brought out a friend and harvested the grapes and much of the fruit harvest in late August. Another man had an apple press and proposed an old-fashioned cider pressing. He and I picked the apples one day in early October, and the following Friday friends from our communities and from our neighborhood came and we all pressed apples. Many stayed for the evening potluck. Around 50 (!) people came and pressed and we got to eat with around 35 of them. New friends were made among them and it was truly a joyful and fun event for everyone.
God had heard my overwhelmed cry for help, and He answered me! I got to see my dream for this place become a reality –community was built, and many were provided for. Praise the LORD!
The LORD has poured out even more abundant blessings on me and Ben. Two in particular come to mind: On Tuesday, October 15, Ben had a car accident and totaled my car. He walked away with only a bruise on his left hand – truly amazing in view of how the car looked when I cleaned it out on that Thursday. Praise the LORD for His protection of Ben! That car, a GMC Terrain, had been a great car for this area. As a small SUV, it had adequate cargo space for our needs, it handled beautifully on the Montana highways, and it also performed really well in snow and ice. We decided to replace it with another one with the same specs.
Saturday night (October 19), prior to Ben’s trip to Seattle the next day, Ben and I prayed – for God’s favor on his trip and for the LORD to protect him as he traveled. At the end of our prayer, I asked for God’s favor on the transport of the vehicle in Allentown, PA that we had identified online from Enterprise as the one we wanted to purchase. I asked specifically if He could make it happen so that the car would arrive in Seattle prior to Ben’s return to Montana. As Enterprise was not open again until Monday, we did not start the purchase process until Ben was able to talk to the sales people Monday morning. After finishing the transaction, Ben asked how long transport typically takes and was told 10 days to 2 weeks. On Wednesday morning (less than two days later), Ben received a call from the Enterprise employee managing the Enterprise lot in Seattle. “This is truly remarkable! I have never seen anything like this happen before! Your car has arrived and it is now in my lot!” WOW! God how exactly did you do that? From Allentown, PA to Seattle, WA in less than 48 hours.! Ben was able to bring it home to me on Saturday evening….. All glory to God – our God Who loves us and is our perfect Provision!
The second blessing – a capstone to the LORD sending help….. Thomas worked for me blowing and raking and managing leaves all morning Friday, October 25. Only about 1/3 of the leaves were down out of the trees at that point. At the end of the morning, he proposed a “work party” – and asked if he could bring friends to finish up the prep work for winter – handling the leaves, and moving an enormous pile of wood chips I’d had delivered onto our driveway. He told me, “we’ll work, and all you need to do is give us hot chocolate and cider.” I told him that if they’d come, I’d do much better than hot cocoa and cider…. that we’d share a meal. I left it up to him as to when – he was thinking either Sunday afternoon or the following Thursday. He decided to work on Sunday (thank the LORD!). Friday night, the LORD sent an enormous windstorm – and all of the leaves were blown out of the trees. Sunday afternoon, 13 people showed up to work. Two other women and I prepared the meal, and the rest worked outside. In three hours, all of the leaves had been blown, raked and tucked under tarps in the garden. The entire pile of wet wood chips had been manually moved into the garden and had been spread out (weed control for next summer!).
We shared a wonderful time of fellowship at dinner Sunday evening. Truly, a joyful and sweet blessing –God answered my prayers for help… and He let me see the realization of my dream for this place being a place of blessing, community and provision for His people. And to confirm that it was all Him…. Winter arrived with a blizzard in the wee hours of Sunday night which covered everything with 3 inches of new snow. The property was readied for winter in the nick of time! To Him be all glory and praise!!!
In April 2018, I followed a deer trail that led me into a thick copse of evergreens while hiking near our home just north of Bigfork. I had a passing thought while bushwhacking out of the thicket that ticks might be there, and I tucked my hair into my running cap. I did not give ticks another thought. A few days later I noticed a bump just inside my hairline which eventually went away.
In early May, I developed incredible crushing
fatigue unlike anything I’d known. Imagine walking in warm, chest high mud for
hours to get an idea of what that might have been like. I also began to have severe pain the entire
length of my spine and deep pain in my buttock.
Both of my forearms were very painful, and the tips of my fingers felt
clubbed and numb. I had always been
athletic and healthy and had never experienced anything like this. On May 18, my primary care doctor suggested testing
my thyroid and suggested that I try wrist braces for carpal tunnel syndrome. My blood work returned normal. There was no
mention of any possibility of Lyme disease.
I felt terrible. I had fatigue, pain, numbness, bad headaches,
and the sensation of tiny insects crawling all over my body under my clothes
and taking nibbles at random times and places, just to name a few of my
symptoms. I attributed the insect issue
to no-see-ums and used a lot of insect repellant for the days I worked outside.
A fourth
generation local man told me the story of his family’s longstanding tradition of
performing a thorough tick check when they came in from any outdoor activity
because the ticks in Montana were so bad.
A few days later, a neighbor told me the horror story of her daughter’s
long term battle with Lyme disease, and the incredible destruction it had done
to her daughter’s various body systems.
It had attacked her bones, making them soft and unstable. Her daughter also had symptoms that sounded
just like mine.
I began to
realize that it was highly likely that I had gotten Lyme disease on my hike in
late April. My neighbor told me about a naturopath
in Whitefish who had been treating her daughter for Lyme disease issues. I called
her office in early July and was grateful that she chose to work me in to her
over-full schedule – she had no openings for new patient appointments until
September 27. My research on Lyme
disease had shown me clearly that the longer the disease went untreated, the
more difficult successful treatment became.
I was told by my primary care doctor that it
was unlikely that I had Lyme disease as Lyme disease is not in northwest
Montana. The following map, published in the Boston Globe in May, 2018 seems to
say something different.
The naturopath
thoroughly examined me and took detailed notes of my many unusual symptoms
without being surprised by any of them. When
she drew blood to test for Lyme disease, my blood vessels kept collapsing and
exploding, a completely new thing for me. She told me that she has seen thousands of
people with similar symptom presentations with Lyme disease, and we decided to
move forward with treatment for Lyme.
I questioned
the naturopath about the likelihood of getting infected with Lyme disease in
Bigfork. She directed me to a nationwide veterinarian reporting website for
Lyme disease with a map of incidence of Lyme as reported by veterinarians. The particular map I found of the continental
U.S. was color coded. Montana and many other states were shown to be moderately
high risk for Lyme disease.
Ihttps://capcvet.org/maps/#2018/all/lyme-disease/dog/united-states/
Another
helpful map, specifically of prevalence of Lyme here in Montana is here: http://www.petsandparasites.org/parasite-prevalence-maps#2018/all/lyme-disease/dog/united-states/montana/
If other red-blooded animals are experiencing
high levels of Lyme, then how could it be true that human beings would be
exempt from the infection?
Treatment
with two antibiotics and an antifungal medicine began after my first appointment
with the naturopath. I was warned that
it was likely I would experience a reaction to the initial die-off of the Lyme
bacteria. Four days after starting treatment, I developed an awful headache and
numbness which spread from my hands and feet to encircle my mouth, my front
teeth, and the tip of my tongue. The
headache continued to get worse. I
became confused. On one errand, I
needed to write my phone number of many years on a form but had absolutely no
recall of my phone number… Scary!
Between the
numbness, confusion, terrible headache, and the vision of my blood vessels
giving way during my blood draw, I was worried I might be having a stroke. I
called the naturopath’s office and was reassured by the nurse that this
response was common. I made it home and my symptoms eventually subsided.
The (not so)
funny thing about Lyme disease is that the symptoms are always changing and the
disease moves to attack different body systems at different times. The bone-numbing fatigue comes and goes. The headaches are sometimes pretty fierce,
but thankfully, while they are frequent, they aren’t all of the time. The musculoskeletal pain in my lower arms and
in my back frequently would wake me up from a sound sleep. Periodically, I would not be able to walk
more than 50 feet without shortness of breath.
When I miscalculated my energy on a walk, I frequently found myself
struggling for the strength to return home. Lyme disease seemed to be attacking
my nervous system, as well as my muscles and my bones. The numbness in my hands and feet and the
sensation of having “clubbed” fingertips was one thing. The feeling of insects all
over me made me feel like I was going crazy.
While some of the symptoms have stopped, others have replaced them.
The
prevalence of Lyme disease is on the rise here.
I have several local friends and neighbors who have quietly been
struggling with this disease for many years, even decades. And I have friends and neighbors who have
been recently infected. I was shocked when I learned that Lyme disease can be
terminal. The longer I am on this
journey, the more people I’ve met here who also suffer from Lyme.
Treatment
can be long and tricky, as these bacteria are known to shift from the spirochete
form, to biofilm type, to cysts in which the DNA of the bacteria is sequestered
in a nearly dormant form. This bacterium
has mastered immune evasion. In addition, tick bites are filthy and often victims
are infected with several additional pathogens.
I was diagnosed with Babesia, a malarial type organism in mid-August,
and in mid-December, with Bartonella.
This is expected to make my treatment time much longer, since now I am
being treated for more than one infection.
Spring is
here, and ticks emerge in early spring. It is so important that people take
precautions to try to prevent being bitten by a tick. The “nymph” stage of the tick is thought to
be the most virulent in passing on diseases.
There are ways to protect yourself such as the use of a product by
Sawyer for the treatment of outerwear (and hats!) to make your garments insect repellant. The product retains insect repellency for up
to 5 washes. Wear tall white socks with
your pants tucked into them, and always, always do a strip check for ticks when
coming in from being outside. Use Deet or
picardin on any exposed areas and at the borders of collars and sleeves.
I hope that this story helps people in our communities in being prepared to take precautions when going outside. I also hope it brings awareness of the prevalence of Lyme disease and other tick borne illnesses in people, and that it encourages those who are infected to seek treatment if they develop symptoms of Lyme disease.
P.S.
Unfortunately, I got bitten by another tick on April 22nd (2019). Lyme symptoms began 8 days later which really, really sent me reeling for a couple of days.
I had an insight as I though about my many years as a student – and about the many, many tests I took during my time in school. I had a couple of good teachers – ones who genuinely cared about the students, and who really wanted their students to fully learn the material being taught. These good teachers would design their exams with the purpose of helping the student (and the teacher) to understand and know what areas of the material the student knew well, and those areas they did not yet fully grasp. The good teacher gave his students opportunities to help them fully learn the material in the areas of weakness through other means.
Last year was brutally hard. My insight about good teachers gave me an insight about The Good Teacher and His tests. My insight helped shift me away from the fear and horror I felt at this setback. It helped me see this particular “test” in the light of growing me up in trusting the LORD and knowing Him as my Sovereign LORD. Trusting God is a mighty challenging thing for me sometimes…
I struggle so much – in trusting Him, and in surrendering everything to Him as my Sovereign. I (in my delusion!) think I can control my circumstances – that I can, by being smart and prepared, protect myself from the bad things in this world that can harm me. My “delusion” says that in my own strength, and by my own devices, I can control (or even influence!) the outcomes of my life. I am coming to see that I cannot… only God is Sovereign AND He IS in control. I also do know that He loves me infinitely, and that His tests are not intended to destroy me or to condemn me, but to prepare me and draw me ever closer to Himself.
An amazing blessing is that I decided a couple of months ago to look for a new primary care doctor. When I went to set the appointment, the first available was 6-7 weeks out, and that appointment just happened to be 11 days after my tick bite. I have learned a bit in my journey with Lyme – if you begin a 6 week course of doxycycline within the first 14 days from the bite, it has been shown that (most of the time) the doxy will knock it out. I saw the doctor and began doxycycline right away. I am hopeful that this treatment will be successful.
God IS good, ALL the time. So grateful that He has sustained me so far, and for His goodness. He has shown me that He will sustain me – now and always.
Jesus: “Let the children come to Me, don’t stop them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.“ “Whoever does not receive the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it!”
How does a little child – a baby even – feel and behave towards his earthly mom and dad?
The little child loves his mom and dad unconditionally and looks to them for love, understanding, help, cuddling, setting loving boundaries (even though human boundaries are often arbitrary and are not loving!), protection from others and from themselves.
The little child trusts his mom and dad without reservation.
The little child wants his parents to delight in him – and wants to bring them joy.
The little child needs and wants mom and dad with him all of the time.
The little child depends on mom and dad for food, water, shelter, cleanliness (baths as needed!). He depends on them to provide for him.
The little child must trust mom and dad to love him at all times, no matter what…. He has no one else.
My question
to myself…. Is this how I feel and
behave towards my heavenly Father?
Praising Him – He is faithful, even and especially when I am not….
The LORD really spoke to me a year and a half ago about the Living Water.
I did a study by Kay Arthur on spiritual warfare when I was in the second year of my faith journey. One of the chapters of the book was on the armor of God. Kay did an amazing job of unpacking the elements of the armor. Specifically, on the shield of faith, she taught that at the time when Ephesians was written (and also in the battles described in the OT), only rich soldiers had a metal shield – the poorer soldiers had shields of hide. A wise soldier would soak his shield in water the night before a battle so that the flaming arrows sent toward him by the archers would not ignite it causing him and those around him to be torched. At the time, I came to conceptualize the Holy Spirit as a pool of quiet water.
The spring before last, my son and I hiked the Avalanche Lake trail in Glacier National Park. The river from Avalanche Lake was super high, and it narrows into a chasm through huge rocks which have been shaped by the power and force of the water. The power and sound of the water, and it’s incredible force were amazing. A couple of weeks later, I went running on Bigfork’s nature trail above the Swan River. The Swan was raging in the canyon below and the LORD whispered to me – you have made Me (the Holy Spirit) too small, too narrow. Yes, He can be a quiet pool where we can soak our shields, but He is also enormous in power and glory – Niagara Falls at full flood is paltry in comparison to Him. Just as water is everywhere and in everything – every cell of our bodies, the Holy Spirit is also everywhere all the time saturating our very being with Himself. (Praise God!).
Genesis 18:19 “For I [the LORD] have chosen him [Abraham], so he will direct [lead] his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what He has promised him.”
For many people – Jews, Muslims and Christians – Abraham is seen as the father of their faith. Abraham was chosen by God to be their ancestral father and from those people groups he has many, many spiritual descendants. Abraham was very human, but the most significant thing about him (as far as the LORD is concerned anyway) was his unwavering faith in the LORD. God told Abraham he would have a son by Sarah, and Abraham believed Him. Abraham fathered his son Isaac late in his life through a miraculous work – Abraham was 100 years old when Isaac was born, and his wife, Sarah was 90 or so (well past menopause!).
Many people know the story of the LORD asking Abraham to give his son Isaac as a burnt offering to Himself…. and Abraham obeyed. Abraham loved Isaac, but his love for God and his obedience to His command went even deeper. As I meditated on this story, I imagined myself in Abraham’s shoes. What horrible grief he must have been feeling as he carried the fire and the knife for the sacrifice, while Isaac carried the wood for the altar on his back as they walked up the mountain where Abraham had been commanded to sacrifice his only son. What an uncanny resemblance to the story of Jesus’s final walk up the mount of crucifixion with the wood for the “altar” carried on his back. Imagine the grief of his Father! And unlike the story of Abraham and Isaac when God Himself provided the ram for the sacrifice and burnt offering… there was no one to stay the hands that killed His only begotten Son. Isaac, unlike Jesus, was spared and lived to carry forward the covenant promises of the LORD to His people.
The LORD is our good, good Father. What He did is radical…. He saw the desperate needs of His lost, broken, and sinful children for a Savior, and abandoned His heaven and gave up His glory to come to earth to do what a good father would do. Prior to Abraham, all of the men of Jesus’s lineage became fathers around the age of thirty years old (although Abraham himself did not become a father until his old age). Thirty is also the age at which Hebrew men stepped into their priestly roles. Jesus began His ministry at the age of thirty, and in a way, became a father to those around Him in how He led them. Jesus, in so many ways, perfectly modeled what a good and true father does with and for his children.
Jesus’s fulfillment of the role of “father” is seen in how He sacrificed His power, glory and comfort to meet the needs of His children – the unique needs only He could meet. In addition to everything His ministry entailed, He also modeled what a good father would have done for His children by how He related to those around Him. He led His children (the disciples and the others who came to Him in faith) into the way of righteousness by living out what a holy life looked like in front of them. He modeled humbleness and obedience in all that He did – and by all that He said. He was always teaching, frequently rebuking, and He loved His people with a passionate, fully intimate love. He was entirely engaged with His children – spiritually, emotionally and physically. He taught them the things they needed to know to become the men and women He intended them to be. He rebuked them – some of them harshly – so that they might recognize their failings and sins and turn from them in repentance. He loved them enough to stay with them through thick and thin – even when they hurt and betrayed Him. Jesus waded into our mess in order to save us from ourselves and this world. He truly saw His children – the lost, hurt and broken people that they really were (and are). He loved them anyway and led them in the ways of righteousness and truth.
Tragically, there are many, many examples around us of the legacies of bad fathering – children who are a “train wreck”, both emotionally and in how they live out their lives. Bad fathers often leave a legacy of brokenness and rebellion – rebellion against the fathers themselves, but most importantly, against God.
Bad fathers don’t love their kids enough to put aside their own needs to meet the children’s needs. They are brutal when the kids don’t do what they want them to do, or when the kids are not what the father wants them to be.
Bad fathers aren’t willing to fight for their kids – they watch passively rather than being willing to speak when they see the kids going the wrong way.
Bad fathers abandon their kids – and don’t give the kids the chance to work out their issues with their dad in a way that leads to wholeness.
Many bad fathers are full of hypocrisy – they say they believe something righteous, but their actions speak loudly of their worship of themselves or their idols.
Every family has a different story, and every parent/child relationship is uniquely their own. What are the legacies of your father and your grandfather? How have their legacies played out in the lives their children and in your own life? Do the legacies have “good fruit”? Are their children and grandchildren people of integrity and wholeness, or are their legacies full of tragic stories of unfulfilled promise – full of hurt, suffering and disconnection from the LORD and from relationships with other family members?
A good father leads his children well. He models sacrificial love for them – putting aside his own needs and desires to serve theirs. A good father fights for his kids and speaks truth – even when the child does not want to hear it. A good father stays in relationship with his children – pursuing them even when they reject his pursuit – in the hope that in his pursuit the child can work out its issues with him and become more whole and healthy. A good father’s words and actions may not be perfect but are usually consistent and truthful.
A good father invests deeply in his children and sees them as a blessing from the LORD. Through his relationship with his children, a good father grows in holiness and fulfills the task the LORD has given him in leading his family well. Through this, he too is blessed.
Jeremiah 29:11-14a
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you,” declares the Lord….
The first time the LORD lifted a Scripture off of the page and said to me, ‘this is for you’, Jeremiah 29:11 became His promise to me. What an incredible promise… and what a joy to know that His plans for me are for good and not to destroy me – the lie I had been believing for most of my life was that He was out to get me… and not in a good way! A while ago, the LORD said to me about Jeremiah 29:11 – ‘you need to keep reading….’. As I read on, the rest of the passage and its promises spoke to me as well. “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
This morning I woke up with this question in my mind: LORD, please show me what it means to truly seek You with all of my heart…. How do I do that? Honestly, I feel like I am seeking Him with all of my heart… my question to the LORD is: how I am missing the mark?
My reading today in the Psalms was Psalm 106:10-31, and in it God describes His unfaithful people who are doing the opposite of what seeking Him looks like. As I read, my question came to mind…. What does it mean to truly seek You? From that passage, I got the following:
1. Believe His Word.
2. Sing His praise.
3. Remember His great works in my own life and in the lives of others.
4. Wait on Him and His counsel.
5. Remember Him all of the time.
6. Glorify Him alone.
7. Believe in His great promises.
8. Have faith in His promises found throughout His Word.
9. Obey His voice (His commands).
10. Intercede (pray) for those who are in sin and are falling away from the LORD.
Oh, and the last thing is…. Do not complain – EVER! His plans and His work are working a good thing in me and in His people…. His promise in Romans 8:28 says so. He is trustworthy – and He will work all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
